9:41 PMi wanted to be there but i failed. to elaborate. being a dry ass guy has fucked me up sometimes but this time it messed me up in a way that would corrupt my psyche and something i would be thinking about for the next weeks on. im not gonna say exactly for personal reasons.. im not that guy, but lets just say i went through a happy period in my life i would say a bit of a month ago. i finally found something i valued and something that valued me back. i dont know if it was going good or not but yeah, it did feel like a break. but this also came with doubts. the main doubt was basically if i was putting enough energy into this. cause thats the key things when it comes to this - phenomenon. during that period i was also scared in the background that someday in just a short period of time, this would all end, the moment - once realized, that i was being dry. you could probably guess by now on what im experiencing but then again this could just be anything. looking back at it, i was putting more love, and more thought into what i was doing. the thing is that i was probably bland. but since it was like a first time. i wanted it to be a healthy and good one, anything could have boundaries, its to your control too type of thing. but i think thats not really the norm nowadays isnt it? i really had a lot of things to say about any matter that was brought up but i had a hard time choosing the right things i had to say. and the fact that i had to be lied to in order to be told straight up. it really just messed me up. so yeah. i wanted to be there but i failed. and im completely sorry for that. im sorry that i put more love than other stuff and i was serious about it all the time. im sorry that i didnt give it the liveliness that the other option gave. im sorry that the other option is way better then mine, all i ever wanted was the best, and i really wanted to be careful, making sure that brick by brick it was gonna be a good decision made. i promised for the better but i guess it was too late. dont worry, i figured it all out, the truth. i wanted to be a good guy. but i was being too nice. i get it. i hope it works out fine. i hope this new option gives more flavor that i couldn't of provided. or worked on providing atleast. i will now continue crying myself to sleep now. thank you very much. bye.